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Post by Ken on Oct 22, 2021 8:37:19 GMT -6
It's been going on for awhile... I can't get along with my wife. We've had times of trouble and times where we're able to coexist but there is nothing left of our relationship. No love, no warmth, no understanding, no nothing. I dragged my feet awhile because of the kids and also because I was hopelessly optimistic we could resolve it but it does not appear to be the case and it's getting worse. So over the past few months I have made it clear that I need to turn the page and go in a different direction. The kids are now 21, 23 and 25. All adults and they know just as well as anyone that my wife and I can't get along. I am trying to get my wife to see this as the best course and I'm asking her to work with me but her brain is not in the same place as mine. The first stop is some separation so I am moving into a new place on November 5. At some point when we're both on the same page we will divorce and work out the details of that. She can decide to stay in the house or move. I have spent more than my fair share of time arguing and I do not like to argue. In fact, I will work hard to avoid conflict and confrontation. My wife seems to thrive on confrontation. The idea of getting up in the morning and not arguing is dancing in my head. I spent some time looking for a place based on what I want to do... the new place has a 2-car garage and on the other side of the wall is a small finished basement so I can continue to brew and I will set up a new draft system in that space. It's going to be new. I have been married for 29 years and have known my wife since high-school. I have lived in this house for 22 years so I am rusty on things like appraisals, earnest money, inspections, closings, etc. I might be scarce for awhile but I will update this as the dust settles. Cheers Beerheads.
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Post by bklmt2000 on Oct 22, 2021 8:58:23 GMT -6
Major vibes, mang. Is the new place a temporary/rental place, or a more permanent place?
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Post by Ken on Oct 22, 2021 9:07:25 GMT -6
Major vibes, mang. Is the new place a temporary/rental place, or a more permanent place? My wife wanted me to move into an apartment. I believe she liked that idea because it meant that everything was temporary. I also think there might have been a control factor there too. There have been a few times when I was ready to bail out and I was standing in the doorway of the plane with my parachute on and then I sat back down when I should have jumped. The new place is a townhouse that I am buying and one of the reasons I did that is because I know that this break should not be temporary. It needs to be done and I don't want to fall back into the mess. It's very close to where I live now and will be a nice project for me to keep my mind occupied. It's not a fixer-upper although there are a number of things I plan to do with it. I'm a bit jittery but I am excited to be in a better place. Cheers B. |
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Post by bklmt2000 on Oct 22, 2021 9:14:35 GMT -6
Major vibes, mang. Is the new place a temporary/rental place, or a more permanent place? My wife wanted me to move into an apartment. I believe she liked that idea because it meant that everything was temporary. I also think there might have been a control factor there too. There have been a few times when I was ready to bail out and I was standing in the doorway of the plane with my parachute on and then I sat back down when I should have jumped. The new place is a townhouse that I am buying and one of the reasons I did that is because I know that this break should not be temporary. It needs to be done and I don't want to fall back into the mess. It's very close to where I live now and will be a nice project for me to keep my mind occupied. It's not a fixer-upper although there are a number of things I plan to do with it. I'm a bit jittery but I am excited to be in a better place. Cheers B.
Good. Make it official and then make it your own. All places need work, but avoiding a fixer-upper is a plus.
One suggestion: take care of moving the most important/sentimental/valuable-to-you stuff first. Sends a message that this is a permanent change, and also ensures that nothing untoward happens to your valuables.
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Post by Ken on Oct 22, 2021 9:19:15 GMT -6
I close on a Friday. I have already started to organize, pack and purge. I'll be taking personal effects over to the new place all that weekend. Clothes, electronics, work stuff, etc. My wife has already been thinking about things that I will take like kitchen essentials that we have duplicates of, etc. I need web access for work, I need a bed, kitchen stuff, etc. She has days where she is mad and other days where she cries and other days where she's able to focus on the nuts and bolts (like what she says I should take with me, etc). We're already sleeping in separate bedrooms and I might have to stay here a little longer than that weekend to make sure I have web and also a bed. Anything important will be going with me that first weekend. I'll also be bringing full kegs, fridges and all my brewing supplies at some point. That'll be interesting. Thanks for the replies. It helps to vent.
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Post by brewbama on Oct 22, 2021 9:43:30 GMT -6
I support you man. I’m sorry you have to go through all this.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
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Post by shaggaroo on Oct 22, 2021 15:23:55 GMT -6
Went through the same almost 20 years ago after being married 18... I know what you're going through... if you need/want to chat, just let me know!
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Post by Ken on Oct 22, 2021 15:45:36 GMT -6
Went through the same almost 20 years ago after being married 18... I know what you're going through... if you need/want to chat, just let me know! Thanks Shaggaroo. I didn't know that. My mind has been getting used to the idea and sometimes I'm excited to move forward while other times I'm jittery and a little nervous about it. Over the past 10 years or so I feel like I have lost some of myself and I'm not happy about that. Getting back to being me is going to be therapeutic. Cheers Brother. |
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Post by jimdkc on Oct 22, 2021 21:39:36 GMT -6
Sorry to hear this, Ken... Vibes! Hope everything works out well in your new place.
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Post by tommymorris on Oct 22, 2021 21:43:31 GMT -6
Good luck to you and your whole family, Ken!
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Post by zymot on Oct 23, 2021 15:18:45 GMT -6
I recall hearing the stories leading up to this point for quite a while. I know this is not an impulsive decision on your part. You have made sincere effort to avoid this conclusion. Fell good about going forward with getting your life in a reasonable and rational pattern.
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Post by Ken on Oct 23, 2021 15:58:37 GMT -6
I recall hearing the stories leading up to this point for quite a while. I know this is not an impulsive decision on your part. You have made sincere effort to avoid this conclusion. Fell good about going forward with getting your life in a reasonable and rational pattern. Guys, thanks. Yeah, I have been optimistic about it working out and turning around and I was patient. That was not realistic and it was not time well-spent. Things might be getting difficult over the next two weeks as my closing approaches but I'm going to remain focused. Cheers and thanks. |
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Post by drez on Oct 26, 2021 5:16:50 GMT -6
I really thought this was going to be Ken admitting to be a hop head!
From some stories in the past this does not surprise me. PM me an address for some house warming beers (lagers) from the east!
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Post by Ken on Oct 26, 2021 6:45:18 GMT -6
I really thought this was going to be Ken admitting to be a hop head! From some stories in the past this does not surprise me. PM me an address for some house warming beers (lagers) from the east! Hooray! Drez beers! I have been informing friends about this, had a long zoom call with my sisters last weekend and also shared the info with a coworker (one of my supervisors) yesterday and then last night I got an email from the president of the company (a really cool lady who has been running the company for a long time) and she gave me a pep talk and told me she had been divorced 30 years ago and how it's nothing to be concerned about, etc. My coworker clearly shared the information (which is fine... he's known the president for decades). So with every one of those steps things get easier and the picture gets clearer. It's going to be an adjustment but something tells me that it's going to be sweet. Thanks again guys. |
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Post by Leftympfrmde on Oct 26, 2021 8:47:48 GMT -6
Sorry to hear this, homie. My sympathies. I'll gladly send you some suds from the mid Atlantic once your settled in.
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